108 Names of Now
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Drawing Ryley

9/27/2015

Comments

 
​Ryley sits down like, Finally!  Let’s do this thing, I’ve only been waiting millions of years.
Because it's what’s happening anyway, I focus on allowing sexual energy to arise fully & be felt in the body, without needing to lead to anything.  There is just this gazing, this being gazed at, this drawing.  There are clear boundaries, and no one is looking for anything.  Here we are, sitting opposite one another at this borrowed table, in this weird underground mall in Roanoke, participating in the Flatline the Pipeline Festival.

Feeling, this is young man energy.  Seeing the strength and newness of neck-muscle, shoulder, Adam’s apple.
Feeling, this is experienced woman energy.  Being seen in this form, steady, grounded & tender.  No one’s mother, and everyone’s. 
Feeling, this is what sexual energy is like – a compass needle pointing north, a deep well opening down, a ground, a grace.
Resting in goodwill towards everything that is arising, delicious,  open & non-compulsive. 

There is permission for me to see what I see, and to be seen.  There is permission for Ryley to see what he sees, and to be seen.  For work-study, Ryley tells me he grows bromeliads and catnip in a greenhouse.  He is 20 years old.  As he speaks, all the young men from Virginia who went to die in the battlefields around us become present to me, and then dissipate.  I am glad Ryley is not one of them.

I ask, are you totally stoned right now?  Because it seems so.  No, but I’ve had a few beers.   Do I seem totally stoned?  
Yes and no.  Noticing what drinking does to consciousness: it opens sexual energy, and also it takes the edge off of that opening.  But edge is important, and awkward is important.  I am holding center, while part of me feels stoned, gazing at this kid & being in his gaze.  We are having the time of our lives, abiding in this wild calm gaze, while a truly good band plays Me and Bobby McGee.  I think of Ryley’s mother.

Ryley says, after that, I need to give you a hug.  He’s tall, taller than me, and gentle.  We wrap our arms around one another, and there is nothing at all to get tangled in.  We are immaculately untangled.  

He chooses an Inner Beauty Passport with the terracotta warriors of Xian on it, and tells me, None of them are the same.  He’s right: no one is the same, and there no regrets to be had, anywhere, at last, Amen.
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    Author

    Julie Püttgen is an artist, expressive arts therapist, and meditation teacher.

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  • Home
  • Pink Moon April 2025 Daylong Retreat
  • Upper Valley Constellation Circles
  • SoulCollage@
    • Rewilding: SoulCollage and the Living World >
      • Rewilding: Session One
      • Rewilding: Session Two
      • Rewilding: Session Three
      • Rewilding: Session Four
      • Rewilding: Session Five
      • Rewilding: Session Six
      • Rewilding: Session Seven
      • Rewilding: Session Eight
      • Rewilding Participant Survey
    • Already President >
      • Already President: Session One
      • Already President: Session Two
      • Already President: Session Three
      • Already President: Session Four
      • Already President: Session Five
      • Already President: Session Six
      • Already President: Session Seven
      • Already President: Session Eight
      • Weaving Wisdom Participant Survey
    • The Big Bang >
      • Session One
      • Session Two
      • Session Three
      • Session Four
      • Session Five
      • Session Six
      • Session Seven
      • Session Eight
      • The Big Bang Participant Survey
    • Origin Story >
      • Session One
      • Session Two
      • Session Three
      • Session Four
      • Session Five
      • Session Six
      • Origin Story Participant Survey
    • Walking Each Other Home
    • Suitplay: A SoulCollage® Partswork Odyssey >
      • Overall Course Map
      • 1. World / Source / Self
      • 2. The Fool / Pages / Young Parts
      • 3. Knights
      • 4. Queens
      • 5. Kings
      • 6. Cups
      • 7. Pentacles
      • 8. Wands
      • 9. Swords
      • 10. Space
    • SoulCollage® and the Five Buddha Families >
      • Blue
      • Yellow
      • Red
      • Green
      • White/Black
      • Complete Mandalas
    • SoulCollage® for the Interim Times >
      • Suits of a SoulCollage® Deck
      • Protectors
      • Transpersonal Cards
      • A Four-Card Reading
      • Greeting New Cards
      • Working with Negative Spaces
      • Companion Cards
      • Pausing
    • Upper Valley SoulCollage® for Justice
  • Therapy
    • Client Policies
    • Release of Information
  • About
    • Press
  • Art
    • Everyday Regalia
    • The Two Thousand Dollar Project
    • Free/Not-Free Paintings
    • Trumpovers
    • Pilgrimage >
      • Sacred-Ordinary
    • Home / Away from Home
    • Mapping the Trikaya
    • (M)otherbible
  • Meditation
    • Retreats & Facilitation
    • Old Dragons' Club
    • Inner Beauty
    • Treatments
    • Meditations for Resilience & Resistance
    • Guided Meditations >
      • Lovingkindness
      • 5 Directions
      • Compassion
      • Coming Home
  • Writing
    • Stories from the Road
    • Stories from the Now
  • Contact
  • Teaching
    • Retreats & Facilitation
    • Murals
  • Shop
  • Weaving Wisdom Workshops